


Jeremy Heere Isn't Gay

by sacrebleu0



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, Pining Michael, also some jeremy/christine but not really, as always tbh, boyf riends — Freeform, but from jeremys perspective, gay!Michael Mell, gay/bi!jeremy heere, its not really specified he just likes boys okay, jeremy comes to terms with his sexuality, the one (1) time the squip is right about something, the squip is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacrebleu0/pseuds/sacrebleu0
Summary: Jeremy Heere wasn't gay.Not in a million years, he promised himself. Jeremy Heere was as straight as an arrow. He liked Christine after all- that's proof! There was no way that he could ever be into men, he thought soundly. Never, he tried to convince himself. Until that damn Squip had to ruin everything.





	Jeremy Heere Isn't Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! My first BMC fic woo. I've been writing this here and there because I love Michael and Jeremy's dynamic, so here's the finished work! I'll probably be writing more of these two soon :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Jeremy Heere wasn't gay.

Not in a million years, he promised himself. Jeremy Heere was as straight as an arrow. He liked Christine after all- that's proof! There was no way that he could ever be into men, he thought soundly. Never, he tried to convince himself. Until that damn Squip had to ruin everything.

After the play, the Squip had much less control over Jeremy's body. Now he was more of a voice in the very back of his head, even quieter when he drank Mountain Dew Red. The Squip seemed to be its loudest in the middle of the night because Jeremy doesn't drink any Mountain Dew before sleeping if he can help it; his Squip-induced insomnia is only exacerbated by drinking highly caffienated liquids.

However, Jeremy was on the verge of rolling out of bed and chugging some Dew. He looked at the clock- 3:12 AM.

"Jeremy, we both know you're gay," the Squip said with a singsong tone. Now that he was significantly weakened, he had seemingly resorted to schoolyard taunts.

Jeremy sighed angrily and flipped over, smashing his face into his pillow. "Fuck you. Let me sleep you overgrown Bluetooth." That stupid fucking Squip had been taunting him for the past two nights now. He needed sleep desperately.

"There's no use deflecting, Jeremy, I'm in your brain." His stupid, smug voice angered Jeremy to no end. "I know everything about you, including your crushes," he reminded him.

Jeremy reluctantly turned back to face his ceiling where he knew the Squip would be materialized. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm worthless, dumb, and now homosexual. Got any new material, jackass?" He rubbed at his eyes groggily, hoping he would be gone when he opened them again. He wasn't.

"Well, if you really wanted me to get creative, I could dig up your mother's absence!" the Squip suggested joyfully. That made up Jeremy's mind. He rolled out of bed clumsily and made his way to the cooler in his room that he always keeps packed full of red Mountain Dew. He looked his Squip in the eye ruefully as he twisted off the lid and took a big gulp. "You can't ignore me forever, Jeremy!" he cried as he glitched into nonexistence, making Jeremy sigh in relief. About fucking time.

Jeremy thankfully crawled back into bed, pushing the Squip's taunts to the back of his mind. He wasn't fucking gay, no matter what his Squip said.

\---

"Jeremy! Holy shit, you look like ass, what happened?" Michael greeted when Jeremy walked into their shared first period.  
Jeremy shrugged off his backpack, realizing it still had "Boyf" scrawled on the back. He forgot to wash it off. He looked at Michael tiredly. "I feel like ass, too. The damn Squip wouldn't shut up last night so I had to drink a bunch of Dew. I got, like, fifteen minutes of sleep last night," he explained, feeling the dark circles under his eyes. Whenever he didn't sleep he ended up looking like a corpse, as Rich has so eloquently put it before, due to his pale skin and thin physique so he was sure he looked even worse than he felt.

"Damn. You know you can always text or call me when your Squip's acting up, right, man?" Michael offered, putting a hand on Jeremy's shoulder. He flushed at the physical contact; he couldn't bring himself to watch porn when he finally got up for school, so he was very touchy.

"Y-yeah. Some new shit last night- the Squip thinks I'm gay!" he laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "Ridiculous, right? I mean, I'm dating a girl!"

Michael's smile fell the tiniest amount. "Yeah, that's crazy. Maybe the Dew fucked up his brain," he said quieter than normal.

Jeremy laughed and was going to continue but the bell rang and the teacher walked in. They sat in their seats and groaned in sync. This was going to be a long day.

\---

At lunch, Jeremy collapsed next to Michael. "I think I'm dying," he moaned. He rested his forehead on Michael's shoulder for emphasis.

Michael laughed and affectionately ruffled his hair. "That makes both of us. Are you gonna be up for after-school gaming and smoking? I don't blame you if you wanna go home and sleep instead, though," he asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

Jeremy raised his head and looked up at Michael with a gleam in his eye. "I'm always up for weed and games, man! Have you seen the trailer for the new Apocalypse of the Damned?" They fell into a comfortable conversation as Jeremy downed another Mountain Dew to ensure the Squip stayed silent.

Michael noticed the Dew was all Jeremy had and offered him his sandwich. "Dude, what the fuck? Why didn't you get a lunch? You're skinny enough as it is," Michael laughed.

Jeremy shrugged. "Not hungry. Just tired. Also school food tastes like cardboard."

Michael sighed in exasperation. "Being hungry makes you tired! Here. Take the rest of my sandwich," he ordered, handing it to Jeremy. Jeremy glared at him. He responded by nudging Jeremy's cheek with the sandwich. "Take it, Jer."

He sighed and snatched the sandwich out of Michael's hand and took an angry bite. "Good boy," Michael laughed. Jeremy blushed and then immediately scolded himself for having his mind in the gutter. (He really wished he had gotten the opportunity to jack off that morning.) "What would you ever do without me?"

"Die, probably," Jeremy said truthfully, taking another ravenous bite. "You're the only reason I take care of myself, I think," he confessed. He often forgot to eat and sleep unless Michael texted him to remind him. The Squip really fucked up his sense of responsibilities.

Michael turned his head away and Jeremy wondered why. "Yeah, yeah, you big sap. C'mon, it's almost time for fifth period," he urged, moving to throw away the paper bag he had held his lunch in.

As Michael walked away, Jeremy watched him intently. He was lucky to have a best friend like that, he thought sincerely as the bell rang.

\---

Jeremy looked for the PT Cruiser in the school's parking lot. He had memorized where Michael parked every day by now, and sure enough, he was leaning against the driver's side door when Jeremy approached. "Hey Michael!" he beamed, walking up the passenger side.

"Jeremy!" he heard. It was Christine, who was running to catch up to him. "Do you want to go catch a movie today? I heard the new Shakespeare documentary is out and I am SO EXCITED!" she squealed, grabbing Jeremy's hand.

Jeremy flushed red nervously. "Sorry, Christine, I'm hanging out with Michael today. Maybe tomorrow?" he promised, shakily squeezing her hand. He didn't really want to see a movie with Christine, especially one about her idol. She tended to talk while she watched movies, mentioning little facts she knew about the topic or actors. Jeremy found it strange that he hated when Christine did it but loved it when Michael did it. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Oh. Okay then! See you tomorrow, Jere-bear!" she said affectionately, standing on her tiptoes to give him a peck on the cheek. He rubbed his neck and waved her goodbye, turning quickly to face Michael when she was out of earshot.

When he turned he saw Michael staring at him almost... wistfully? That's weird. "Let's go, Mikey!" he smiled, climbing into the passenger seat. Michael snapped out of his reverie and nodded, sitting in the driver's seat.

"What do you want to listen to, Jere?" he asked, offering him the aux cord.

Jeremy shrugged. "Whatever you've been listening to lately." He knew that Michael would, when he found an album or song that he liked, listen to it on loop for days until he got bored of it and moved on. He also knew how much Michael loved sharing his music with Jeremy, so he figured he could treat Michael today.

Michael beamed, taking his eyes off the road for a second to look at Jeremy happily. "Well, lately I've been into more acoustic songs, and of course good old Marley, so these were the songs on my playlist..." he began to ramble about his picky criterion for songs that make his personal weekly playlists and Jeremy listened. He loved listening to Michael talk about the things he was passionate about like music and video games, especially when the afternoon sun filtered through the windows beautifully and cast his face in a warm yellow tone. He looked like an angel to Jeremy on these early summer days. He seemed... radiant, Jeremy decided.

"See what I'm talking about?" Jeremy flinched as he heard the Squip's smarmy voice. He hastily dug into his backpack and pulled out his emergency Dew, downing half of it in one gulp. He. Wasn't. Gay.

"Jere? What's wrong?" Michael asked, worry filling his voice. He turned to look at Jeremy since they were at a red light.

"Nothing. Just the Squip," he explained quietly.

Michael sighed. "There's gotta be a way to turn it off forever. I need to investigate more. Are you okay now?" he asked and his eyes met Jeremy's.

Jeremy blinked. Michael's eyes were dark brown, but Jeremy always thought they were pretty, especially in warm light like this. "Y-Yeah," he stuttered. That was a weird thought to have.

A car honked its horn behind them. Michael snapped back to the front, seeing that the light had turned green. "Yeah, yeah, asshole," he mumbled and began driving again, Jeremy's giggles filling the small car.

\---

Jeremy threw the controller down on the carpeted floor. "Fuck you, Michael Mell!" he yelled after passing the joint to him. "You dirty cheating whore!" He couldn't help but laugh at his own insult.

"I didn't cheat, you just suck ass at Mario Kart!" Michael exclaimed, pushing Jeremy. He almost fell off his bean bag and turned to face him once he righted himself. Michael took a long drag from the joint and put it down on the TV stand. "You always play as Rosalina, so it makes sense you fuckin' suck," Michael snorted.

Jeremy gasped in betrayal. "You always play as fuckin'... fuck, what's her name." He paused. He was ridiculously high, he thought. "Peach! So shut your damn mouth," Jeremy spat, tackling Michael onto the floor beside them, knocking the controller out of his hands. He had Michael pinned against the plush carpet, his face absurdly close to Michael's. He felt heat envelop his entire body. Was he anxious? Why?

Michael smirked before puffing a lungful of smoke into Jeremy's face. Smoke poured out of his mouth and nose, billowing directly into Jeremy's face. Shocked, all Jeremy could do was inhale his smoke. He subconsciously breathed deeply, and Michael froze. Jeremy had never breathed in somebody else's weed smoke before; he wondered why. This felt pretty good. It wasn't so potent as just smoking it directly, but it still filled him with that fuzzy, warm feeling. He felt even better because it was Michael. (He resigned to think more about it later when he wasn't stoned out of his mind.)

He held his breath for as long as he could. He felt his eyes slip shut and his forearms wobble, threatening to drop him onto Michael. He finally exhaled the smoke into Michael's face and opened his eyes. Michael was looking up at him, doe-eyed and fond. His eyes were softer than Jeremy thought he'd ever seen them. He had a small smile on his face, unwavered by the cloud of smoke.

"You're pretty," Jeremy whispered. His filter was completely gone. Michael's face turned a dark shade of pink. Jeremy became aware of how close their mouths were and how easy it would be to just lean forward and close the gap.

Michael laughed nervously. "C'mon, Jere. Round two?"

Jeremy's eyebrows knotted together. Round two? Oh yeah. They were playing Mario Kart. "I'll beat your ass, Mell."

"In your dreams, Heere."

\---

"Can I sleep over? I'm just. So fucking high right now. And I'm sure Dad doesn't want me home in this state," Jeremy asked sleepily, resting his forehead on Michael's back. He was so tired and he just wanted to cuddle something warm.

"Yeah sure. You wanna sleep on the couch?" Michael suggested, patting Jeremy's hair affectionately.

Jeremy leaned into the touch, groaning when he withdrew his hand. "Nah, I wanna sleep with you." Holy shit, that was a Freudian slip if he'd ever seen one. His mind was still fuzzy, but he could still tell the wording was... off. He felt his entire face turn deep red anyway and he was thankful that Michael wasn't facing him. "I-I-I mean. I want to sleep in your bed with you. No homo," he added, remembering the fact that he wasn't gay.

Michael giggled, obviously still kind of high. "I know, Jeremy. You totally can, though, I'm down. Just let me clean up all the shit we left lying around. We are such messy stoners," Michael scoffed. Jeremy chuckled, shaking Michael's torso. "In the meantime you can go lay down or something. Feel free to put on some of my sweatpants. Speaking of, can you put my sweatshirt in the hamper? I think I spilled Dew on it." He tugged the hoodie off and handed it to Jeremy.

Jeremy nodded and walked back to his room. His red and blue lava lamp ("It's like us!" Jeremy smiled when Michael unwrapped the birthday present.) was on, giving the room a beautiful ambient light. Jeremy realized his mistake when he saw Michael's tiny twin bed. In a deep corner of his mind, he was happy. This meant they were going to cuddle, and Jeremy loved Michael cuddles. He hates physical contact with anyone else (even Christine), but with Michael he can just relax.

He stripped his shirt and pants, leaving just his blue plaid boxer briefs. Without even thinking, he immediately shrugged on Michael's hoodie. It was ridiculously oversized on him. The body of the sweatshirt went a little past his underwear and the sleeves easily overcame his long fingers. Michael wasn't even that much taller than he was, but he was a little chubbier and it was a little oversized on him, so it was hilariously big on lanky, skinny Jeremy. He ran a finger along the patches; the "Rise Above Racism" one, the Pac-Man one, the Pokéball one, but he lingered on the rainbow one. He felt warm when he recalled the memory of Michael coming out to him in the eighth grade. He was the first one he told. Michael was happy with his sexuality. And so was he, he thought. He was straight. For sure.

He cut his own thoughts off by sniffing the jacket. It smelled overwhelmingly of Michael; of cinnamon and cannabis and that cologne he wears on rare occasions that Jeremy can't get enough of. He inhaled Michael just like he did earlier, and he couldn't bring himself to stop. His smell was almost more intoxicating than the weed, he passingly thought.

"Straight teenage boys don't sniff their platonic best friend's hoodies, Jeremy," the Squip snarked in Jeremy's ear.

He sighed. "Fuck off, Squip. Bros do shit like this all the time. I'm sure Rich and Jake do this."

The Squip burst into laughter. "Rich and Jake are having an affair, Jeremy!"

Jeremy gasped, turning to look at the Squip. "How the fuck do you know that?!" he cried.

"I'm like oxygen, Jeremy. I'm everywhere. Don't forget, Rich's Squip and I linked, anyway," the Squip explained with a bored tone. "Back to your not-so-latent homosexuality. According to my calculations, 0.00% of straight men between the ages of thirteen and nineteen platonically cuddle and sniff their platonic friend's clothing." The Squip looked down at Jeremy disdainfully.

Jeremy walked over to Michael's nightstand where a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew Red sat. He flipped his Squip off as he twisted off the cap and took a long sip. "Eat a dick, Squip."

"Is that really the best thing to say to prove your heterose-" The Squip was cut off by the glitching until he was out of Jeremy's sight. He sighed with relief and collapsed on Michael's bed, taking another big sniff. Everything in his room smelled so strongly of him and he couldn't stop smiling.

"Jeremy? Is that... are you wearing my hoodie?" Michael's voice sounded from the doorway. Jeremy stood and turned to face him. Michael was clad in a band tee (from the first concert he and Jeremy ever went to together) and a pair of flannel sweatpants. He was sure his face was as read as Michael's hoodie. He tugged the sweatshirt down and looked down at his chest.

"Y-Yeah. I was cold and... yeah. I don't know. I can take it off if you want-"

"No! No. No, it's fine," Michael exclaimed. He realized how loud his first "no" was and tried to chill out. How weird, Jeremy thought. "You can wear it if you want. I hope you have something on under there?" he joked.

Jeremy realized it looked like he was naked from the waist down because the hoodie was longer than his boxers. He blushed even redder and flailed, lifting the hoodie. "I-I'm wearing underwear! I'm not naked, I swear!"

Michael laughed, moving past Jeremy to pick up his Pac-Man blanket. "How're we both gonna fit in this tiny ass bed?"

Jeremy shrugged. "I dunno. Just get in and I'll squeeze in somewhere," he smiled at Michael. Michael shrugged and laid on his right side on the far side of the bed by the wall. He looked up at Jeremy and gestured welcomingly. Jeremy chuckled and muttered "Nerd," before climbing into bed beside him. His face was inches from Michael's and he could feel his warm breath.

"Are we- are you- are you facing me or is it, like... spooning or...?" Michael asked nervously. Jeremy shrugged and moved down a little, resting his head on Michael's chest. Michael in turn placed his chin on the crown of Jeremy's head, and the two scooted closer together so their bodies were flush. Jeremy timidly placed a leg in between Michael's, intertwining their legs. He hummed happily into Michael's sternum, and he felt warmth blossom in his chest.

His heart fluttered as Michael snaked an arm around his narrow waist. He was totally relaxed; this was probably the least anxious he's ever felt, period. Even moreso than when stoned off his ass. He immediately slipped into a peaceful sleep, uninterrupted by his Squip.

He dreamt of the time that Michael came out to him. It was eighth grade. They were thirteen and sitting in Michael's basement as always, just without the weed. They were playing a vintage Crash Bandicoot game before Michael paused it.

"Aw, Mikey, why'd you pause it?" Jeremy asked, turning to face his best friend.

Michael seemed anxious. "I... I have somethin' to tell you, Jere," he finally mumbled. "I can tell you anything, right?"

Jeremy was shocked that he even had to ask. "Of course! What is it?"

Michael paused, refusing to meet Jeremy's eyes. "Well... I.... you... I'm gay," he finally spat out.

Jeremy was shocked. His best friend was gay and he didn't even know? He had hugged him before! Was he gay now too? Nonetheless, he decided to support Michael. "That's cool. How long have you known?"

Michael laughed awkwardly. "Um. My entire life, basically. I've never... liked a girl. And I've had a crush on a guy."

Jeremy immediately beamed. "Who? You can tell me, Mikey! I won't tell!" he urged, practically bouncing with excitement. Maybe having a gay friend was cool- you never have to worry about liking the same girl!

Michael blushed. "N-Nobody! You don't know him," he said, holding his face in his hands. "Oh my god I can't believe I actually came out to you."

Jeremy tilted his head in confusion. "Why? I'm your best bro, bro! I'm surprised you didn't tell me earlier! Y'know, I'd date you if I was gay too," he smiled widely.

"Don't say that!" cried Michael, trying to hide his intense blush. "Anyway, wanna keep playing Crash?" he offered, changing the subject.

Jeremy grinned. "Of course, bro!" he assured. Suddenly, his controller was being pulled out of his grasp. He groaned, tightening his grip on the controller. The harder he seemed to hold on, the harder it seemed to be pulled away.

"Jere...my...Jeremy...Jeremy!"

Jeremy groggily opened his eyes. He was clinging to Michael's arm, apparently, and Michael was trying to exit the bed. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. It's Tuesday. School beckons," Michael explained, waving at Jeremy.

In a surge of confidence, Jeremy refused to let go of his arm. "The bed beckons. Come on, let's skip today. We can go back to sleep and smoke as much as we want when we get up." He pouted up at Michael.

Michael seemed flustered. "You drive a hard bargain, Jere. But we have that English test today, remember? We both already are pulling C's. We're fucked if we miss it," Michael explained, slowly retracting his arm from Jeremy's iron grip.

Jeremy whined loudly. "Ugh. Fuck English. I just want to get high and sleep, is that too much to ask?"

"Afraid so, buddy. Up and at 'em," Michael replied, freeing his arm. "You can use my toothbrush or whatever. I don't have cooties," he said, gesturing to the bathroom. Jeremy nodded thankfully and left to brush his teeth.

He looked much better than he did yesterday. A good night's sleep will do that to you, he supposed. And smoking a metric fuck-ton of pot.

He retrieved Michael's toothbrush from the cup on the counter and began to brush his teeth. He meditated on his hatred of school. Cuddling with Michael last night was really nice, though, even if he was a little sweaty when he woke up because of the sweatshirt. He pensively sniffed the hoodie again and was relieved to find that it still smelled like Michael. Why was he relieved?

A thought passed through his mind. He really wanted to kiss Michael last night, didn't he? He frowned and spit out the toothpaste. He tried to remember what happened. He had pinned Michael on the carpet, and he was hovering above him, and their lips were so close...

He looked down. Fuck. Of course he just had to have morning wood after a sleepover during which he cuddled his best friend. Of course. He could hear the Squip giggling like the little asshole he was and he decided to go back to Michael's room to drink more Dew.

It's totally normal for guys to get half-hard when thinking about your platonic best friend, right? He shrugged off the thought and made sure the hoodie was covering his crotch before entering Michael's room. (He also realized this meant he had not jacked off for two mornings in a row, which was a personal record, he thought.)

He slipped on his jeans from last night and reached for his backpack from yesterday. It was lying next to Michael's, reading "BOYF RIENDS." He looked at it for a moment then grabbed his and slung it over his shoulder. "Ready to go, Michael?" he called.

Michael peeked into his room from the bathroom, a comb in hand. "No! It takes time getting this pretty, honey," he joked, walking back to the bathroom.

"I'm sure it does," Jeremy chuckled quietly, remembering to fix his own hair. When he looked in the mirror in Michael's room, the Squip was standing behind him.

"'I'm sure it does?' Just tell me when you want me to download Brokeback Mountain," the Squip quipped, fixing his hair as well.

"That movie is a fucking masterpiece and you know it," Jeremy rebutted.

The Squip sighed. "Why are you so against the thought of being gay, Jeremy? You're okay with Michael being gay. More than okay, I'd say," he laughed.

Jeremy turned to face the Squip. "Y-You're implying..." He looked around and continued quieter. "...that I have a crush on Michael? That's... that's insane! Absolutely absurd! You really are off your rocker," he snorted. He felt off, though. Saying those words felt wrong somehow.

"Jeremy, straight guys don't get pitiful boners from thinking about their 'bros!' Straight guys don't cuddle their 'bros!'" He put air quotes around the word "bros." "I know everything about you, Jeremy," the Squip reminded him. "And I know about those gay pornos," he added.

Jeremy balked. "O-One time!"

The Squip laughed. "More like once a day."

Jeremy sighed and took a big drink of the now empty Mountain Dew Red cup on Michael's nightstand. He hated his fucking Squip. He didn't want to think about the fact that he was right for once. No, he couldn't be.

"Let's go, Jere!" Michael called from the door to the basement.

"Coming!" Jeremy replied, rushing out of his bedroom to escape the Squip.

\---

It wasn't until fourth period, English, during the test, that Jeremy actually thought about it.

Jeremy Heere was not gay. Or was he?

He had a girlfriend! That he didn't like being around. God, he should break up with her. It hurt to think about. After all that pining? Maybe he just loved the idea of her, and not her. He sighed, tapping his pencil on the wooden desk.

Michael.

His name kept looping in his head. Michael, Michael, Michael. Maybe it wasn't normal for a dude's heart to do a backflip when his bro hugs him. Maybe it wasn't normal to cuddle your bro after a night of smoking. Maybe it wasn't normal to want to kiss your bro.

He looked over at Michael. His seat had to be moved because he was talking to Jeremy too much. He studied his dark brown hair and his focused expression. He watched as he nervously fidgeted with his pencil in typical Michael fashion. It was adorable, he thought. Adorable?

Oh my god.

Jeremy Heere might be gay.

The realization flooded over him like a tsunami. He never liked any girls, not really. He felt a deeper connection with Michael than he did with any girl. Oh my god, did he... did he like Michael?

The bell rang. The teacher instructed to pass the papers up to the front, and Jeremy sighed. He had only completed half the test when he came across the gay realization. Whatever. Not important. He had to go see Michael.

On his way out the door to pursue him, a hand caught his elbow. He turned to face his pursuer and he gulped. Christine.

"Hey Jere-bear! You looked pretty spacey during the test there, haha. What's up?" she asked, looking up at him.

Oh god. He needs to break up with her. He might be gay. Fuck. "Christine, can we... can we talk?"

"Of course! I kinda wanted to talk to you too. Here, let's get out of the hallway." She led him to a semi-reclusive alcove beside the bathrooms. "What's up?" she asked sincerely.

Jeremy shrugged, deflecting again. "You go first. You said you wanted to talk too?" He tried to calm his shaking hands by shoving them into his pockets.

Christine made a face. "Okay. Jeremy, you know I love you to pieces but... I think it's for the best if we go our separate ways." Oh my god, Jeremy thought. This is awfully convienient. "I just, I was right at the Halloween party, y'know? I need to figure out myself. And I need to focus on school and theatre more. I mean, I get straight A's, but I haven't studied as much, and-" She was rambling again, as she tended to do when she was nervous.

"It's okay, Christine. I was... I was actually gonna say the same thing, too," Jeremy coughed awkwardly. He had to tell Michael. Adrenaline flooded his veins and he found himself trembling not in fear but in excitement. "Still friends?" he asked, giving her a sheepish grin.

"Of course we are, dummy! You can't get rid of me that easily," she winked. See ya later, Jere-bear!" she waved, turning to walk in the direction of the theatre. Jeremy stood there for a solid minute, gears turning in his brain. Him and Christine just broke up. He could be gay. Was he gay? Jesus Christ, the indecisiveness was going to kill him. He decided to ask Michael about it and began to make his way to the cafetorium.

\---

"You're still wearing my hoodie," was the first thing out of Michael's mouth when Jeremy sat next to him. He pulled his headphones off and hung them around his neck as always.

Jeremy immediately blushed and looked down. Sure enough, the oversized sweatshirt was on his chest. "Oh shit. Can't believe I didn't notice. Want it back?" He moved to take it off, then realized he didn't have a shirt on underneath. Double oh shit. "Uh. I don't have a shirt on. Unless you want me to walk around shirtless for the rest of the day, I'm gonna have to keep this on," Jeremy said quietly, embarrassed.

"It's okay. I just didn't notice either, haha," Michael awkwardly laughed, rubbing his neck.

"Anyway, I have to ask you something," Jeremy said, mustering up the confidence. Michael was gay too, there's no way he'd react badly. He couldn't stop double-taking. Could Jeremy Heere be gay?

Michael nodded. "Go ahead, buddy."

"How did you know you were gay?" he asked, looking at Michael with sincerity.

Michael choked on his sandwich. Jeremy couldn't bite back laughter as he smacked him on the back to try and help him. He finally swallowed, taking a sip from his water bottle. "Holy fucking shit, Heere. Warn a guy next time."

"I'm serious, Michael!" Jeremy whined.

"Why do you wanna know, huh?" Michael inquired, nudging him with his elbow.

Jeremy felt his face turn red. "I- I'm just wondering!" he assured him.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Well, I dunno. It's just always been a part of me, but I know for some people it's like a realization one day. Like Rich," he laughed. Jeremy thought about it. He forgot that being bisexual was a thing. Maybe that was him? God this was so confusing. "Anyway. I just never had crushes on girls or anything. I've... I've only had one crush, and it's on a dude." He took a bite of his sandwich.

Jeremy perked up. Michael never did tell him who the mystery guy was. "Still refusing to tell me who he is? Wait, do you still have the crush?"

Michael bit his lip and nodded, embarrassed. Jeremy went wide-eyed. In all of his rants to Michael about Christine, he never realized that he was silent the entire time. He felt somewhat hurt that Michael didn't trust him with this knowledge.

"Really?! You first told me about him in, what, the eighth grade? Well, it is a small town." He picked at his lunch. Who could it be? "...is it Jake?"

Michael almost did a spittake. "No! Jesus Christ, no!"

"Rich?"

Michael laughed loudly. "No, Jere. I don't think I'm into pyromaniacs." Jeremy pouted. "Look, just lay off it, alright? You'll find out eventually."

Jeremy sighed in frustration. "Well... how do you know if it's a crush on a guy versus, like, a platonic 'I-wanna-hang-out-with-you' thing?" He may be pushing it, but he was really curious.

Michael turned and refused to meet Jeremy's eyes. "Well... I dunno. Not to get all sappy, but he makes you feel warm inside and shit. Like, you just want to be around him forever. You never get sick of him. You just... you love him, y'know?" He trailed off so the last sentence was barely audible. Jeremy looked at his lunch. Fuck. He might have a crush on Michael.

Michael broke the silence. "Anyway, no smokes and games tonight. My mom texted me in first period that if the house smelled that strongly of pot again, she'd beat my ass," he chuckled.

Jeremy laughed. "She does make a fair point."

\---

On the bus ride home, Jeremy had a lot of food for thought. He most likely had a crush on Michael. He was most likely some degree of gay, probably bi. He put on his headphones and sighed, turning up the music. Michael had sent him a link to his Spotify playlist of the week, and he figured he would listen to it. Sure, he didnt share the same fondness for Bob Marley, but he liked the majority of the songs that Michael did.

He got off at his stop and finally reached his house. He entered and saw a sticky note on the kitchen counter. It read, "Went to work today. Won't be home til late. -Dad" Jeremy smiled fondly. He was proud of his father's efforts to do more in the abscence of Mom. He raced up the stairs to his room and flopped on the bed. Without even thinking, he screamed into the pillow. Why was sexuality so damn complicated?

"It's not, Jeremy. It's simple." Jeremy groaned at the muffled sound of the Squip's voice. He refused to lift his face off the pillow. "Just admit to yourself that I'm right."

Jeremy begrudgingly sat up. The Squip was standing by his bed, looking down at him. He smoothed back his hair. "Fuck you," Jeremy said.

"Ooh, original. Honestly, this isn't even an attempt to ruin your self esteem like always! I mean, you are a waste of space, don't get me wrong, but you're a GAY waste of space."

"Can you get back to the self-esteem ruining?" Jeremy sighed.

"Oh, Jeremy. Don't you realize that Michael Mell will never love you back?" The Squip held Jeremy's chin in his hand, forcing him to look at him.

Jeremy felt like the wind was knocked out of him. "I-I-I don't love him!" he cried, trying to free himself from the Squip's grip. Shit, when was the last time he had any Dew? That morning? Fuck. He's a lot stronger than normal then.

"You don't? Hold on, I'm accessing your memory banks." A pause. Jeremy shivered. "Here. This is why I don't believe you, Jeremy." The Squip waved his hand and videos upon videos materialized next to him. They were memories, all cast in the shade of Squip blue. Memories of them as kids, holding hands on the playground. Memories of their first kiss at eleven or twelve when they decided to practice kissing. Memories from when Mom left and Jeremy was crying into Michael's hoodie, the one he was wearing right now. Memories from last night, when they were cuddling in their sleep.

Jeremy's entire body filled with heat; he couldn't tell if it was fear, anger, or love for Michael. "S-Shut up!" He reached for the cooler of Dew.

"You can make me go away for a while, Jeremy, but not forever! I'm trying to improve your life!" The Squip yelled hastily as Jeremy removed the cap. He took a long drink, almost chugging the entire bottle, and the Squip disappeared in front of his eyes.

Jeremy was breathing heavily. Michael will never love him back, the Squip said. God, he hated the fact that the Squip was right. He loved Michael Mell. He doesn't know what his sexuality was, but he knew that he loved Michael. He was right. Jeremy knew that he was right. Michael wouldn't ever like him back. Michael thought he was straight. (Hell, HE thought he was straight!) Well, maybe not after lunch. Whatever. Michael was so, so out of his league. He didn't deserve such a kind, loving, nerdy, and cute friend, let alone boyfriend. Did he even want to date Michael?

He looked at his backpack and found the writing ironic. Boyf. Michael's said Riends. If only, Jeremy thought. How long has he liked him for? He remembered loving him for as long as he'd known him; but was it platonic or romantic? God, everything was so confusing and stressful.

He looked at his computer. He knew of a way to relieve stress. He gave into temptation, dragging himself into his chair and turning on the computer. This time, his search criteria included the word "gay."

Afterwards, he felt an odd feeling in his gut. Shame? Fear? He closed the incognito tab with a sense of finality, throwing the tissue away. He walked over to sit on his bed again and eyed his backpack. He had homework to do, but he decided not to. He heard a chime and grabbed his phone. It was Michael.

[6:13 PM] player 2: hey jerebear mind if i come over?

[6:14 PM] Player 1: Of course, Mikey. Dad's gonna be gone until tonight too.

[6:14 PM] player 2: sweet omw B)

Jeremy felt a smile erupt on his face. A little bit of Michael was just what he needed right now. He threw his phone back on his bed and went to the bathroom to fix his hair. (Why did he feel the need to preen himself for Michael? He'd known him for twelve years.)

He saw himself in the mirror, still wearing the hoodie. He couldn't resist the urge to tug the neck of the sweatshirt up past his nose and smell it. Michael. He relaxed. Michael was a constant in his life, an unwavering force even when Jeremy was confused about who he was. Whenever Jeremy needed a rock, it was Michael. Even through the Squip.

He remembered what the Squip had said. He would never love him back. Jeremy took in another lungful of Michael and he tried to forget.

He was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of the door opening downstairs. He froze. Michael had a key to his house just like he did to Michael's. He adjusted his hair one last time and ran downstairs, eager to meet his friend.

"Michael!" he called from the stairs. He ran and launched into Michael, giving him a big hug.

"Hey Jere. Nice to know you're happy to see me," Michael laughed, putting a gentle hand on Jeremy's back. "Sorry for showing up with such short notice. I was just... bored and I wanted to hang out. You still got your Xbox in here?"

Jeremy withdrew from Michael and beamed up at him. "And Apocalypse of the Damned!" Michael giggled and dragged him into the living room and they sat on the couch.

They played games for a while while maintaining a friendly competitive dialogue.

"Suck my dick, Mell!"

"In your dreams, Heere."

Jeremy laughed at the accuracy.

After a while, they decided to stop playing and just chill for a bit. "Why'd you ask me that? At lunch," Michael asked, putting his controller on the coffee table.

Jeremy tried to shrug as nonchalantly as possible. "N-No reason. Just curious." He noticed Michael's laidback smile dropped the faintest amount and decided to confess. "I...I've been questioning. Some stuff. Y'know?"

Michael's eyes lit up. "Wait, really?!" His voice squeaked and he cleared his throat. "I-I mean, that's cool. You know you can always ask your resident gay best friend anything, right?" he smirked at Jeremy.

Jeremy nodded sincerely. "Of course." He noticed Michael was looking at his torso and realized he was still wearing the hoodie. "Fuck. Here, do you want your hoodie back?" he asked, already tugging it over his head. Halfway through he remembered he hadn't put on a shirt under. Whatever, Michael's seen him shirtless before. Nonetheless, he still felt insecure.

"I mean- I should probably wash it," Michael stammered, watching Jeremy strip off the sweatshirt. Jeremy handed it to him, suddenly feeling chilly. He folded in on himself a little, trying to cover as much of his bare chest as possible. This wasn't a good idea.

"I... I'll go put on a shirt," he said awkwardly. Michael looked him up and down and nodded, biting his lip again. Jeremy got up and quickly walked to his room. He picked a random shirt--which so happened to be one with a Pokéball that Michael gave him freshman year. He paused before heading back out. Why was his heart racing? Because Michael just saw him shirtless? He took a deep breath and went back and sat next to Michael.

Michael smiled. "I remember getting you that shirt. It was for Hanukkah, right?"

Jeremy grinned at him, leaning onto his shoulder. "Mmhm! And you were scared I wouldn't like it! I love it, though," he said, nuzzling into his arm. He felt warmth blossoming in his chest and endorphins gently flowed through his body. He felt so happy.

Michael draped an arm around him affectionately and ran a hand through his hair, just like how he knew Jeremy liked it. "I know you do, buddy." Jeremy couldn't help but hum happily. He fucking loved it when Michael played with his hair.

They sat like that comfortably for a while, just sitting and talking about everything and nothing while Michael gently stroked his hair. He felt like he was in heaven. "Y'know, I think you're a psychic," Jeremy finally piped up.

Michael looked down at him. "What?"

"You texted me right when my Squip was acting up," he elaborated, playing with the hem of Michael's shirt.

Michael pulled away to look Jeremy in the face. "Wait, really? What did it say?" he asked, voice full of concern.

Jeremy turned pink. How could he tell him that his Squip said he'd never love him back? "I dunno. Just some stupid shit. Calling me gay," he mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes.

Michael tentatively reached out and touched Jeremy's chin, angling it upwards so he had to look at Michael. Jeremy shivered; the Squip had done the exact same thing earlier. "If your Squip ever gets too much, just text me and I'll be there in five minutes, okay?" His voice was so soft.

Jeremy was ridiculously tempted to lean forward and kiss Michael. His mouth was slightly open and his lips were slightly red from all the biting. Jeremy licked his lips subconsciously, feeling his body lean forward.

He snapped out of it. He doesn't like him back. He couldn't. He was Jeremy. A waste of space. Worthless. Michael blinked, turning red.

"About damn time you came around to my side, Jeremy," the Squip whispered in his ear.

No. Fuck the Squip. The Squip doesn't know shit. The Squip is wrong. Michael told him that so many times. The Squip is wrong. Maybe Michael does like him back.

Suddenly fueled by spite, Jeremy leaped forward. He grabbed Michael by the collar and pulled him closer, smashing their lips together. Their teeth clacked and it wasn't very coordinated, but Jeremy loved it. His eyes slipped shut, but he could feel Michael's were open in shock. The kiss was rough and clumsy, but full of emotion, and slowly they separated. This felt so right.

"Holy shit, Jere," Michael breathed. Their foreheads were touching.

"I... I think I love you, Michael," Jeremy whispered, tightening his grip on Michael's shirt.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that." Michael bridged the gap this time, kissing Jeremy much more gracefully. Jeremy could taste the copper of Michael's bitten lip and he almost passed out. Holy shit, he was kissing Michael Mell. Michael Mell did like him back. Eat shit, Squip.

Michael's hand reached around to the nape of Jeremy's neck, pulling him ever closer. Jeremy couldn't get enough, pawing at Michael's chest. How did he ever think he was straight? This felt so much better than when he kissed Christine. This felt right, like it was meant to be.

They pulled away when they heard the door open. "Shit," Jeremy whispered.

"Hey Jeremy, I'm home!" his dad called, dropping his briefcase and keys on the counter. He turned to look in the living room. "Is that a girl? Are you kissing a-- oh. Hey Michael." Jeremy balked. He wasn't even surprised!

"Hey, Mr. Heere," Michael said, his voice cracking. Jeremy laughed, standing and pulling Michael up the stairs and into his room. Before they entered, Michael stopped and looked at Jeremy. "So... you're into dudes?" he asked.

Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Suppose so. Particularly you. That's what... that's what the Squip was saying," he finished. The Squip was surpisingly absent. Maybe it's because of Michael, he thought.

Michael smiled. "I can't believe you're into me," he stated wistfully. "You were the guy I had a crush on, remember?"

Jeremy gasped. He never realized! God, he was so oblivious sometimes. "C'mon, I want to cuddle you," he whispered playfully, opening the door.

Jeremy Heere wasn't straight.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
